#2 Roko and Awakening

The Search for Belonging

I messaged Roko to request a consultation, unaware of the magic he was about to bring into my life. He replied the next day, explaining that after meditating on how best to help me, he felt strongly that we should begin with trauma healing. Although I'd been in therapy for years, my past traumas clearly still influenced my current emotional state, so starting with trauma healing felt aligned.

We scheduled the next available appointment and he sent me his address. On the day of our session, I was feeling very ill. Even though I'd only had soup for lunch, it was still too heavy for my fragile digestion. I was bloated, nauseous, and in pain. Beyond the physical discomfort, I felt deep anxiety about my life. I had exactly one month to pack up my house, figure out my next steps, and decide how to manage my physical health during my upcoming travels. As exciting as my life's next chapter seemed, I felt drained and exhausted before it even began.

When I arrived, I saw only a modest, inconspicuous house on a quiet side street—no sign, or indication that it was even a legitimate place. It wasn't an office or a clinic. When I tried to google Roko, nothing came up—no surname, no web presence, nothing. Both Roko and his house were complete mysteries. But I trusted the friend who had recommended him with all my heart, so I entered with complete surrender and the belief that something good would come from our meeting.

The moment I saw Roko, the first thing that struck me was his eyes. Sparkling blue and deeply beautiful, his eyes seemed to radiate calm, safety, and trust. The way he looked at me immediately made me feel safe and emotionally held. It was as if his gaze alone implanted faith in me.

“Alright,” he said gently, “tell me what's going on.”

I hesitated, wondering where to start and which trauma to discuss. But I didn't want to talk about any of it. Everything from my past seemed irrelevant now. After years spent recounting my traumas in therapy, I realized that if talking alone could heal me, I would already be healed. So instead, I simply said: "I could talk about my past traumas for hours—what happened, who did what—but I don't want to. Regardless of what happened or didn't happen, there is this deep unhappiness and suffering within me that I just can't escape. I have been going to therapy for almost fifteen years now and  although it made me understand my pain better, it hasn’t necessarily relieved it. No matter what I do, I always end up in the same place: depressed, dissatisfied, and drained. I've been searching for an answer, and I've finally come to this conclusion: I am just not made for the modern way of life. I can't make sense of it. It feels like the way we live as a society today doesn't align with my soul. I don't feel I belong in this society, this era, or this way of living.

I often think about death because I just want to disappear from here. People believe we're more advanced now than in ancient times, or we have more knowledge today than the past, but I strongly disagree. First of all, I think we don’t even know who we are anymore. We don't understand how to care for ourselves, how to listen to our souls or bodies, or how to connect with nature—our true home. We don't know how to properly nourish ourselves or where our food is coming from or simply what’s in it. I believe ancient civilizations had deeper wisdom about who they were, the earth they lived in and living meaningful lives, but we've lost touch with that. So I feel deep grief and mourning for all we've lost—the deeper connections, the life we could have. However, I still believe creating another way of life, another way of being is possible. I believe there is another dimension filled with possibilities, but I don’t know how to reach it.”

Roko smiled warmly. "Well, welcome! Many people are  living their lives asleep, but it seems like you are beginning to awaken and see beyond what's visible.

First of all, you can't find happiness by asking why you're unhappy. Asking, 'Why am I unhappy' won't lead you to the answers of happiness. To find happiness, you must ask yourself, 'What truly makes me happy'

The answers might be surprisingly simple things like your morning coffee or a walk on the beach. Focus on these small joys and incorporate them into your daily routine.”

Listening with the Heart

I had an “aha” moment, even though what he said seemed obvious. I'd heard similar self help advice countless times. Yet I'd always dismissed these "focus on positivity" messages as superficial or hollow. But now, in Roko's presence, his words felt different. When I was with him, my mind became quiet. My thoughts vanished, leaving only his words resonating deeply within my heart. Later, I understood that this was the difference between understanding with the mind and listening with the heart. My mind had to become quiet so my heart could truly hear and feel. When I listened with my heart, the words penetrated deeply into my being, creating  a genuine change in the state of my being. Previously, my mind would grasp concepts intellectually, but they never translated into meaningful changes within me.

I realized that the most powerful insights come from the heart, and the greatest barrier to these insights is the endless chatter of the mind. To truly hear and see, the task isn't to silence the outer world, but to silence the mind. 

Simply being in Roko’s presence seemed to silenced my mind. Therefore, I was able to listen with my heart, experiencing a profound revelation: for years I'd been consumed by trying to understand why I was unhappy, and thus my mind was filled with unhappiness. For years in therapy, all I'd been doing was talking about my pain, my hardships and my traumas. By fixating so much on my suffering, I'd imprisoned myself within it. In that moment, it became clear that shifting my attention to the small joys of everyday life would inevitably lead to greater happiness.

Roko continued, "Secondly, understand that you are fully creating the life you have. Your life is like a movie, and you are the writer, director, and producer. Your higher consciousness is watching your life unfold from another dimension. Perhaps you've chosen to write the story of a woman who is unhappy and unwell, yet constantly seeks joy. There's nothing wrong with that, that can be a beautiful movie too. Connecting with your higher self can help you understand why you've created this narrative, transforming your dissatisfaction into compassion and deeper understanding. Alternatively, if you decide you want a different story, you have the power to rewrite it. Ultimately, you are the sole creator of your life.”

I experienced another powerful insight. Again, although I'd heard similar messages countless times before—"you create your own reality"—I used to dismiss them as ignorant to the harsh realities of external events. Now, in Roko's presence, I heard this truth clearly with my heart. It felt like remembering something I'd always known deep within. In that moment, I understood that everything in my life, including my illness and depression, was my creation. I accepted full responsibility for my life's circumstances. Interestingly, the movies I loved most were about women who struggled emotionally yet courageously searched for joy and love (think Eat Pray Love or Wild). Although I didn't fully understand why I'd written my life story this way, I realized I had the power to shape its next chapters consciously, guided by my higher self and higher consciousness. To do this, I needed to learn how to connect with this higher dimension within myself.

Letting Go

Roko asked gently, "So, what do you want from me now?” I replied, "If you'd asked me when I first walked in, I would've said, 'I want to be happy.' But after our conversation, my answer has changed. I want to discover my higher self and my purpose in this lifetime. I don't want to live aimlessly anymore. I want to connect with my higher power, create my life consciously, and explore the deeper purpose and meaning of my existence.”

Roko smiled warmly. "Well then, once again, welcome! I'll tell you about a four-day seminar soon. But first, let's do today's trauma healing session.”

He continued, "In this session, we'll cleanse the negative impacts of your past traumas from your energy field, so they no longer strongly influence your thoughts, emotions, and well-being." He asked me to lie on a massage table, and I did just that. He performed certain rituals I didn't fully understand—placing papers on my chakras, lighting matches—and then calmly said, "I've opened a healing dimension in this room. Now, I must leave you alone. Just lie down, keep your eyes closed, and imagine you're floating gently on water. I'll return at exactly the right moment.”

As I lay there imagining myself floating, I began to feel a strange pulling sensation in my stomach, as though someone were gently drawing a string from within. Suddenly, the tension released, and I felt immediate relief. All my physical symptoms—pain, nausea, bloating—vanished. I couldn't believe it. I'd expected emotional relief from a trauma session, but now my body felt healed too. At that point, I still thought physical and emotional issues were separate, but I discovered that unresolved emotional trauma often manifests physically.

At that exact moment, Roko returned. He asked me to stand up, and he traced shapes in the air near my body with his hands. Then he instructed me to lie down again and close my eyes. "You may see scenes from past traumas," he said softly. "Just observe them like scenes from a movie passing by." As I lay down again, vivid scenes from my past indeed surfaced and gently drifted away.

After some time, Roko asked me to stand again, and once more he drew certain shapes in the air around my body. Then he gently said, "Now, we're going to release these past traumas. Say out loud, 'I am letting go.’"

"I am letting go!" I announced, and immediately tears began streaming down my cheeks. Deep emotions surfaced, overwhelming me. "It's okay," Roko reassured softly, "Close your eyes again and imagine yourself floating gently on water.”

I followed his instruction and soon began to feel a profound sensation of joy. Words can only merely attempt to capture how intense and beautiful it felt—pure joy, bliss, ecstasy, and overwhelming love. At that perfect moment, Roko asked softly, "Are you feeling the joy?” All I could whisper was, "Yes" I was speechless. With a gentle smile, Roko said, "Alright, we're done. You can get up now.”

I sat up and faced him, still in a blissful trance. The intensity of joy was beyond speaking. I was in another state of being, hypnotized by the moment, smiling quietly at him. Understanding exactly how I felt, Roko said gently, "Your mind probably isn't fully functioning right now. It's okay—you don't have to say anything. Just enjoy this feeling. I sincerely hope our work today brings you health and deep healing.” I managed to stutter a heartfelt "Thank you," hardly speaking clearly.

Hiding in Plain Sight

When I stepped outside afterward, I felt reborn—as if I'd been blind my entire life and had finally opened my eyes. Everything appeared miraculously beautiful. Gazing at the sky and clouds, feeling raindrops softly touch my face, breathing in the fresh scent of soil, noticing the vibrant colors of trees and flowers along the street—I was in awe. Life had suddenly revealed itself in all its glory. It had always been right there, waiting patiently for me to see. That night I went to bed filled with profound appreciation and excitement for simply existing.

The next morning, I woke up as a new woman. A deep, joyful bliss filled my heart. Glancing out the window, I marveled at the beauty of the trees lining the street. Everything looked brighter, clearer, and more vibrant. When I went downstairs to walk my dog, Amos, I noticed how beautiful she was too. As I put on her leash, I observed her excitement and joy as she anticipated our usual walk. We always walked the same street behind my house twice a day. Yet, Amos greeted each walk with boundless enthusiasm, as if it was a new adventure every single time.

I admired her deeply in that moment. This dog, who was rescued from a wildfire, had faced tremendous trauma. Yet, still, she woke up every morning excited just to experience the same familiar path in a new day's fresh light. Her simple, genuine joy brought me a great teaching moment. That morning, I connected to her spirit—a childlike excitement and joy filled my heart. It was as though I was seeing the same street, the same colors, and the same trees as something completely new, illuminated by a fresh light.

For the first time, I also began to see my own beauty clearly. I felt beautiful, deeply and authentically, both inside and out. Amos looked up at me, and as our eyes met, tears of pure joy began streaming down my face.

Since my session with Roko, I've regained my ability to approach life with a sense of excitement and curiosity. Now, most days are filled with genuine happiness and gratitude. The warmth of sunshine, the beauty of trees and flowers, the endless sky and shifting clouds, the gentle sounds and scents of rain and earth, even the touch of wind—everything has become a source of gratitude and wonder. Simple things have become enough to fill my days with happiness and meaning. Roko opened a door for me, and I finally walked through it.

A New Path into Light

Roko brought a light into my life that has never left me since—or rather, he revealed the light and love already within me. He lifted a veil I'd been wearing for far too long. Before meeting him, I was looking at life without truly seeing it; I was listening without really hearing; perhaps I was learning without genuinely understanding. Through Roko, I realized that to truly see and hear, one must move beyond the mind and into the heart.

I was noticing dramatic shifts in my life. My health dramatically improved, my stomach problems vanished, and I felt healed in a way that countless medical experts had never achieved. Before Roko, I'd sought help from numerous highly credible doctors, professors renowned as the best in the country. None had truly helped me. Shortly after seeing Roko, I'd revisited one of these respected doctors, who repeated my blood tests to check my condition after my internal bleeding. Astonished, he explained that the lab in Germany analyzing my tests had even called him, puzzled, because they couldn't believe how perfect the results were. They'd repeated the tests multiple times, incredulous at my remarkable recovery. The doctor told me, "This result is extraordinary, especially given your previous condition. I've never seen anything like it in my career. You should be incredibly proud of yourself—I have nothing else to say.”

Roko had become a new beginning for me. All this time I had believed I was lacking something—health, happiness, or wisdom—and had to seek it externally. Roko showed me the truth: I was already whole, already healed, already powerful. Once I cleared away the old negative beliefs, fears, and outdated stories, my innate joy, health, and wisdom effortlessly emerged.

I understood healing wasn't about adding or fixing anything—it was about removing everything that doesn’t belong to our true essence.

Roko simply dispersed the dark clouds blocking my inner light. He showed me myself, returning my life and power back into my own hands. He helped me remember what had always been inside me. After this powerful experience, I felt compelled to share my newfound joy, healing, and gratitude with others. I wanted to spread the love and happiness I'd rediscovered. There’s a beautiful quote from the

Dalai Lama: "The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of all kinds." 

I realized clearly that my life purpose wasn't about collecting meaningless achievements or building wealth. I wanted my life to embody healing, restoration, and love.

With Roko's encouragement, I decided to embark on a journey dedicated to healing—not only my own, but also to those around me. Roko then told me about a four-day seminar he would lead alongside a fellow healer, Irma. This seminar, he explained, would help me deepen my healing abilities, explore my true self, and clarify my life's purpose. And that's how I found myself on the Path into Light.

Urala